Good, good, happy news

April 18, 2010 at 1:14 pm (Life) (, , , , )

Good news: through a bit of tracking down, and searching, I found out I had one more refill on both of my meds. AND through an odd loop-hole, I was able to get them filled at the university’s pharmacy, which DOESN’T try to turn a profit. I paid the same for both of my meds as I would have for the cheapest one at Walgreens.

So yeah, good things. Going to celebrate my happiness by listening to ABBA all day at work 🙂

This is STILL one of my favorite quotes. It was said by my friend Hope after we went to see Mamma Mia and sat with some other friends.

“I’m sorry. When I said Jeremy liked ABBA, I didn’t know I meant he knows every word to every song.”

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Mental Health

April 9, 2010 at 6:50 pm (film, Life) (, , , , , , , , , , )

This week my depression was upgraded from dysthymia to major depressive disorder. That doesn’t really do much to change my treatment, it just changes how much (more) the state is willing to help pay for said treatment. I won’t be able to get back on meds until I see a psychiatrist on May 14, however. That, my friends, sucks. All refills have run out and the mental health department (where I’ll be going) is backed up until May 14. That greatly saddens me, not just for myself, but for what that indicates about the mental health of my fellow citizens of Greensboro, NC. It saddens me because there just aren’t enough psychiatrists to go around.

This isn’t a sad blog post, however. Even though this has been a sort of rough week mentally (mainly due to financial woes…as always), I was also able to make this video. It was fun to write, fun to shoot, fun to edit, and very fun to watch. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve watched it like 8 times. It makes me laugh every time. They say to write for yourself and others will like it. I hope so, because I only know how to write for me. And I make me laugh 🙂

I don’t normally ask this, but if you like the video, could you give it a thumbs up if you visit the Youtube site? Also, please feel free to re-post the video or send the link to anyone you think might enjoy it or need a laugh. Like I told my friend on Twitter the other day, I’m here to bring laughter.

I’d like to leave you with this: just like weather isn’t the same thing as climate, being depressed doesn’t mean you aren’t happy.

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A Fine Line

January 3, 2009 at 2:44 pm (Life) (, , , , , )

My dosage of Prozac was recently raised to 40 mg and then to 60 mg. Without the medicine, I cannot function in daily life. With the meds, something else happens, though: numbness.

Off my meds, I feel everything. At such a high dosage, I feel nothing. There’s a fine line between the two and I haven’t found it.

Yesterday, Jill and I watched Will Smith’s “Seven Pounds.” I thought it was a great movie and really enjoyed it…but. But everyone in the theater was crying at parts, except me. I could hear sniffling all over the place, but I was emotionless. Jill kept saying, “Don’t judge me,” when in reality, I was judging myself.

I kept thinking, “You know, normally you’d be crying along with everyone else.” That’s what was so disconcerting: I knew I should be upset but it never came.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’m a crier. Not a town crier, mind you, just a movie crier. I saw “Moulin Rouge!” six times in the theater and never once had dry eyes when Satine dies in Christian’s arms. That goes for all the times I’ve seen it on DVD, too. The movie “In America?” Good gosh! I was sobbing in the theater! When she says, “He was our brother, too!” I lost it. I still do. I lose it even more when she says, “Say goodbye to Frankie, Dad.” Sometimes in the past, just talking about that scene would get to me. Now? Nothing.

Yesterday I sat in the theater feeling nothing but sadness at my lack of feeling. My numbness was something tangible, something I could physically feel. It’s upsetting to have an intellectual understanding that something should be affecting you, but isn’t. If I wasn’t on my meds, that knowledge might bring a tear to my eye. 🙂

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